January 17: Surgery Again

Julie - It’s amazing still to me that I have been thrown so deeply into the medical world that, within 11 months, I’ve already had three surgeries, have been given some of the most powerful and toxic medications on the planet, and take medication every day.  And now I’m facing surgery again next week.  It’s time to exchange the tissue expander for the breast implant.  I anticipate it being relatively easy physically, compared to the other surgeries.  And certainly not as emotional as surgeries that involve pathology reports and subsequent treatment decisions.

It’s hard to get ready to go back to surgery. Over the past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time consciously trying not to think about medical procedures. I’ve been  escaping somewhat into a black hole of incubation, separating myself from myself and many of the people around me, as I recognize and evaluate changes and decisions.  The past few weeks I’ve been terribly stressed with a peripherally- (not health-) related crisis that has taken a toll on my energy, sleep, and nutrition.  I had some discussions with my husband and friends and made the decision to go ahead with the surgery as planned.  But I have my work cut out for me to prepare for Wednesday.

With each of my previous surgeries I’ve used Peggy Huddleston’s  Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster techniques.  So yesterday I clicked my iPod over to her relaxation/healing CD.  “Find a comfortable position and close your eyes.”  I was stunned by the level of anxiety that resulted hearing those words again.  It’s been over five months since I listened to it in preparation for the mastectomy and it took me back to the time of diagnosis, surgeries with unknown outcomes, and chemotherapy treatments.  Within moments, though, I settled into the familiar routine of progressive relaxation and visualizations.  I will listen to it at least daily between now and Wednesday and it will be what I listen to as they wheel me into surgery and I get lost in the drugs of amnesia and anesthesia.

Ms Huddleston’s method involves many aspects of preparation and part of it includes calling in the support of friends and others.  So I’ll ask, again, for healing, safe, loving thoughts from everyone – including you.  Please send thoughts, energies and prayers to me on January 17th at around 10 am Eastern time.  Thanks.  And I’ll let you know how it goes.