October 15, 2007
Summer Into Fall
Julie - I spent my summer growing along with all of the plants in the garden. After a long, cold, heartbreaking winter of tears and disappointments; a winter that had followed a long three seasons of fear, strength, weakness, loss, and change, my soul took over to rummage in the ground, to make projects happen, to reach goals, to have something tangible and good to see, to smell, to taste.
It started in the garden. I dug for days to create a perfect 3x20x2 foot trench, called the compost man, and planted raspberries. I dug six deep holes to the spring and watched them fill with water around my shovel. I placed new blueberry bushes in the wet, picked plants promising sweet, promising tart, promising pies. I turned over the garden, planted tomatoes started at seed by the woodstove. Every day I brought home more annuals like an obsession.
It continued in my body. Recovery over, it was time to get even better, stronger, fitter. I moved forward to a date circled on the calendar via the gym where I lifted weights, bicycled, elipticalled. Loved the process of muscle and well-being. I trained hard in class only to sprain an ankle on a good move that proved I’d come toward reaching my goals. The day of the test came two days off crutches with tape and a brace and determination. It was good and the tangible is there.
And in my soul I became tougher, braver, more like the way people see me. I have more true humor on the day to day, more true compassion and patience on the day to day. I know myself, my ever changing, ever challenged self better and better on the day to day to day.
Friends: As you can see in this piece this has been a year of healing - both physically and emotionally. There were lots of decisions to make coming up to this fall. One of the biggest was professional. Last winter I applied to the PhD program in nursing at my local university and was accepted. At the same time I applied for a job. It took them months to offer it to me and in the meantime I got a call from a former employer asking me if I would work for him again. I was really torn about what to do and just kept hoping it would all make sense by the time a decision would need to be made.
That's exactly what happened and now I am working three days with my former employer doing diabetes work and one day in the endocrine job where I've been doing osteoporosis, and metabolic work. I'm very happy with my decision. And a month ago I tested for my Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do - a goal and a community that really helped me to get through cancer treatment. This fall has really marked an end to a chapter. Thanks for reading.
somewhat belatedly (!) I found your blog. It is funny and moving and wonderful.
I think it has done a lot of good for a lot of people, including me.
I learned a lot, which is embarrassing since I have known you all your life and should have known these things all along.
I admire, trust and respect you.
And, of course, I love you, too
Posted by: connie abrams | Jun 10, 2008 11:47:57 AM
The comments to this entry are closed.